So here we are..well in October and life is good. Though I'm tossing back the max dosage of Oil of Oregano and chasing with Buckley's and trying to get rid of a cold that has illegally inhabited my sinues....things ARE good. I'm thinking that this cold is an indicator of the need to slow down a little.
A few days after Scuba and I landed from Cuba last month, I hostessed a ladies' night that I've filed in my memory bank as a truly memorable one. I mean, I'm sitting across from Mme SourceQueen, Mme VisionCity, and Mme CherryAppleArt - Each one a brilliantly accomplished femme in her own right.
We ate,talked, and sipped our way into the early morning - but copious amounts of inspiration and motivation butt-kicking that ensued made me think that the 'September Issue' themed night (wherein none of our 4 copies in my living room made their way into our convo) would be the theme of my current season in life. In a BIG way.It very aptly set the stage for where I am at now.
(If you don't know about the September Issue thing you can read more about it here.)
That night these fabulous chicks left me with a challenge to take intentional time to vision cast, pray and ask God what my Plan was...and get on it.
As a Project Manager, I have been trained to skillfully take someone else's vision, develop a project plan and then make it happen.(on time, within budget with a quality result). What got in me into project management was what I believed to be one of my most positive character traits was (and still is) to help others reach their goals and do whatever I can to see them get to where they want to be in life.
Unfortunately, the post-vacation month was one of our busiest ones and I lost myself in a lot of tasks , projects, board meetings, meet-ups, classes and family events.
On the way home from one of our (three) Thanksgiving dinners this past weekend, Scuba and I, keeping true to tradition, had an epic heart to heart in the car. We were talking about his having to make some tough short term decisions in order to benefit us in the long run (Merci mon ange). But we were mostly chatting about the prospective opportunities that would avail themselves to him in the next few years - too pumped! He pointed out how great it was that I was supporting him and I (of course) was trying to find ways to tangibly help.
The conversation then turned to my dreams and goals....and...are you ready for it?!...I don't have any! Well I do have little ones here and there but nothing concrete that I am working towards! YIKES!! It was a sobering moment.
Even more sobering...An hour more into the conversation, the realization set in that the main reason why I hadn't made any plans/goals was because I have been holding onto past failures and in turn disqualified myself from moving forward. At various points in the last decade,I allowed myself to carry guilt with me after every mistake I've made along the way. The culmination of all this was me deciding that I had totally missed the boat headed to my destiny and believed that there wasn't much else left for me to do but help other people not miss out on theirs.
Scuba quickly called me to action: Let go. Stop living in my past. Make some plans and get on it!
A wise Jewish King once said ''Without a vision, the people perish'' or something close to it. I know that I've stretched the interpretation a tad - But I get it. Without a destination, a map is just a big colourful page (or app!) with a lot of information on it. The same thing goes for a life that is filled with a lot of ''good things'' that doesn't produce a quality result.
Right now,I'm feeling as though I'm looking at a map with no indication of a destination. Granted I am uber-busy and super-committed to several things... I've been maintaining the status quo. In my books, stagnation/status quo is quite close to perishing. I'm not having that.
A little daunting, but it is high time that I start living again and looking forward to getting things done for me. The way I see it, if I'm working towards something then I will be all the more qualified to help other people get to where they're going. Right?!
So the Fall is bringing out some really neat changes in nature, right in step with me making some pretty cool changes in my life too.
I'm really looking forward to what the next few weeks will bring in terms of taking time to figure things out, cast a vision and pursue it - letting go and being free from the guilt of the past. I'm a Lady with a Future!
Stay tuned...I have a feeling that this is going to be a pretty swell Fall!
Thats All (for now).
M
* This was a SUPER hard post to write, but there aren't many of you who actually read my stuff. But thanks for reading and for making it okay for me to be real. Bless you.
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